You see that smile. He does that to me... I don't know why I do this. I get myself into this unexplainably horrible situations. I don't know which way is up or which choice is right. I want him to be happy. That is really all I want. I want him to know that no matter what happens I will be here for him. I can't believe how much I like him and it's eating me alive. It's tearing me up inside because I can't explain this to him. I know he see's it. He has to. There is no hiding that I like him and that I would do anything to make him happy because that is how he makes me feel. My heart is breaking and bursting at the seams.


I can't go on like this...I need to know what I can do...

"It's all just vibrations, do with it what you wish. Just don't fuck it up."

Oh my Matthew.

Prom was fucking gay.

Story time.

Chris comes to my house
Around 3 in the afternoon.
TOTALLY WASTED.
He thinks he is funny by throwing my chair on top of me really bruising me up.
Then throwing me on the ground and bruising my tail bone to the point where I can't walk right.
Also pretending to choke me and then really hurting me.

So later on we are all over at his house and he keeps getting these phone calls and I just casually ask him who is calling and he refuses to tell me who it is.
So Marc is outside TRYING to light the bbq and he comes in with this look of total anger on his face and says "there is a car parked in front of the house." And he runs out to the front yard.

Abbey and I follow and it's Jenn and Kali. These two nasty bitches who have been trying to get with Chris for like the past week and talking to him on myspace. So Abbey goes over to the car and screams at the girls.

"You fucking bitches better get the fuck away from this house or I will pull you out of that car and beat the shit out of both of your nasty skank asses."

So I am downstairs crying my damn eyes out and pretty soon Sean [Marc's brother] is outside telling Chris to get his ass inside or he will do it for him.

So Chris gets inside the house and all three of them [Abbey, Marc & Sean] start screaming at him telling him how stupid he is and how could he ruin his and my relationship.

So I go upstairs slap him and tell him to take his redneck ass back to Virginia where he belongs and go fuck one of his cousins.

I had to go outside at that point and smoke a cigarette and also beat the shit out of my car. Then ran down to his room, threw the ring at him and told him to go fuck himself and I never want to see him again.

It's over.
& he lost the best girl he will ever get.

so i'm kinda totally blondeish now.

So it's over.
Him.
We are through.
I am so happy.



Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You're dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long 'til I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone
Since you been gone
Since you been gone

Wow.
A lot has happened since I last posted.
I am not friends with Shannon anymore.

Abbey & I have gotten super close and I am really glad because I missed her.


I miss Ami & Kayla and some of the other people I used to hang out with.
These are just a few of them:


Kendra


Mitch. I really miss who he used to be.


Kayla & Laura. My boos!


My Tifferz!


Kayla!


& Ami. Whom I miss the very most.

I am still with Chris and it's as amazing as ever.
He is rediculously sweet and amazing.
We got a puppy.
His name is Jack.


The coolest dog EVER!

I got my tattoo finally.

It's Tinkerbell!
What else would I have gotten?!

& People who are talking shit about it need to shut their lil conservative, stupid ass mouths.

I dyed my hair.

Everyone just fucking forget my birthday.
Not like anyone remembers anyways.


Don't make an effort.
I'd rather you geniunely forget.
Then to make it seem like you remember when you really don't.



I don't even care anymore.